Over the past few weeks I’ve been talking to people I haven’t seen, or heard from in the last few years. Each conversation has been amazing in its own way, despite some awkward moments, on both ends. Some of these guys I once considered “closer than family” during different periods of my life. These people know my darkest secrets, they have seen me at my worst-most shameful moments, I have used and avoided them, but they are all people I genuinely love.
The truth of the matter, is that probably 80% of the people I’ve known throughout my life haven’t seen, or heard from me in the last 2 to 3 years. People from Trinity, to Monterey, to Auburn; from soccer and sports friends, to FFA and 4-H; Lubbock to Atlanta. I really did not have many meaningful conversations during that period, because of my addiction. Well that’s over. I get that it’s different to hear from me now and it is not about getting drunk, or I am not telling you about my latest court case, but it’s better this way. There are times I’m embarrassed about instances, but I’m not ashamed of where I’ve been. Without my life going the way it has gone, I never would have brought myself to the point of total dependence on God, and I’d still be the same person I was two years ago.
I look back and see the amazing people I’ve been blessed to know. I see the unique way each has had a positive influence. The way some shaped my personality, demeanor, and confidence, while others imparted real-life wisdom and tips for no other reason than they loved me. My past, is my past, and as long as I keep viewing it with regret and remorse, then I am minimizing all Jesus has allotted to me. Right now, I’m grateful, for the diversity of influences I’ve had, for the variety of personalities that have been in my life, but above all, for God’s hand of grace that’s kept me alive through it all. It has made me who I am today, and today I am a sinner saved by grace.
This is my testimony I wrote at Shiloh back in May. This is a prophetic act. The same mercy and grace that was afforded to me is available for everyone. Claim it. Walk in it. This is why Jesus went to the cross, to restore us back to him.
“And they have defeated him by the blood of the lamb and by the words of their testimony. And they did not love their lives so much that they were afraid to die.” Revelation 12:11
Love y’all. Until next time.